Just got off the phone with a man who will change the city of Pace, FL. His name is Rick Valarezo and he's the lead pastor of a church called Relevant Life Church. Their website is myrelevantlife.com in case you wanted to know. With all of these new, burgeoning churches coming to life all across this country, God is really up to something new. Sure, churches are planted all the time. Sure, churches are continuing to be planted. But the thing that I am hearing echoed in the words and hearts of these pastors is different. There is an ache in them to see the kingdom established and to see God have His perfect work.
Don't know if any of you in my readership are from the Pace or Milton areas, but if so, please consider contacting Rick. They will be launching in February of '09 and having been where he is right now, I know he needs people. And money. And prayer. So if you can give him any of those things, please do so.
So I occasionally Google myself. Yes, and it's not as dirty as it sounds.
Today I found this interesting little gem. Supposedly, Google books is only supposed to have a sample. I guess, in this case, a sample is the ENTIRE BOOK.
I guess if I was still trying to sell any of those, I might be ticked. And I guess, if the internet was smaller, I'd be flattered. As it is, meh.
Anyhoo. That's my post for the day. I will have news by the end of this week.
...the phone rang. It was going to be a different post before that call. Now, though, it's a different post. It isn't complaint anymore. It isn't about how I wish I could know what I need to know. I have a deadline of sorts now. I have, at least, a date to look forward to.
What is that date? Not telling. Why? Because so far I have managed to be wrong about dates so consistently that I will no doubt screw something up naming this one.
Anyway, I will update this with a solution to the weird problems I have experienced and posted about before.
Weird Places describes every single thing going on in my life right now.
I just got back from Dallas. I expected to find something there and came up with absolutely squat. I keep expecting to find things, of late, and am running up empty each time. Not sure what's going on with that.
I also hit Albuquerque for the fourth time in two months. I am convinced that city is the Arkansas of the desert. And this is in comparison to visiting Reno. Albuquerque makes me ill. Mind you, I have never been out of the airport there. But that said, I can tell a lot about a city by its airport. I get the impression from the Sunport Airport that there hasn't been a lot of genetic diversity in that city in some time.
Apologies if you are a genetically diverse individual from that locale.
Things are strained right now. Lots of questions without good answers. Too many questions without answers. Right now, everything is basically on hold. Why? Because there are multiple possibilities sitting out on the horizon. So many right now that I am in serious wonder as to the validity of any of them. I don't profess to know which one I should move towards. I do profess a serious curiosity at why all of these options are suddenly here and now.
I am realizing my way through some things. Some very important elements of my life. I am reconnecting with people and places from my past because I am beginning to see them as instructional now. They were painful once, but now I am beginning to see my way out of those same places. It's like I have an opportunity to grow and to make it better. Almost like I have been granted a chance in some cases to undo damage I did. I am very blessed to be where I am right now.
I think right now what I could use most is confirmation. I could use a solid direction, not five different ones. I could use just a little clarity. But, as such, I am praying specifically for that. I could also use and appreciate any and all prayers you guys might send my way. I need wisdom and lots of it. I am on the verge of everything changing. Every. Single. Thing.
In your darkest hour,
I hold secret's flame.
No, this post is not some recommendation of some bizarre sexual practice.
I am beginning to learn the secrets to unlocking the horizontal potential in my life. I consider my relationship to God to be a vertical one. Even if He's not necessarily 'up', he is definitely one I constantly look up to. Which means that my horizontal relationships are those with people who I can look in the eye every day.
My horizontal relationships have been suffering. For a while. Years even. Perhaps I would do better to say that there has never been a time in which they haven't suffered and that just now I am beginning to see some of them coming around to a place of prosperity. Seriously, my whole life I've been on a journey from the center of the Earth. I've been digging my way out of hurts and places where I can't see the light of day.
And now I am beginning to see myself through the eyes of people that have been in my life before now. It's frightening. It's like I finally realized, only after someone held up a mirror, that I am the Morlock and they are the regular people.
I used to look at people as wrong and myself, of course, as right. And now I finally figured out the basis for that skewed vision. Now I am beginning to see people as neither right nor wrong. I am beginning to see them as people. I have had to go back and apologize to lots of people. Even those people I considered friends. Why? Because with those people I seem to have taken their forgiveness for granted and acted like a real jerk most of the time.
It was never intentional, really, but what I am seeing now is that my issues with most people stemmed from my lack of proper relationship with God. No, I am not talking about salvation here. But rather it's a matter of trust. My failing to trust a God who is ultimately in control is the root for why I can't or won't open myself up to other people.
I'm being very vulnerable here and can absolutely say without a doubt that my actions over the past three decades have been driven out of a desire to avoid being hurt. Which, as my pastor says, is a great gas pedal but a really lousy steering wheel. But that is a post for another day.
Now I am working on seeing God in everyone and treating them as though they are all my friends. Even if they don't know it yet I have to make them see that my heart is towards them, in all things and at all times. A phrase that has killed me, mostly, is "People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care." It kills me because it sounds cliche and prosaic. It kills me because it sounds like one of those ultra convenient principle reversal slogans. You know the ones. But in this case it has proven absolutely true. In my relationship with everyone. I am beginning to see that nothing in this world is more important than relationships. First and foremost, my vertical one and then, from that my horizontal ones.
What are you most looking forward to this weekend?
Hmm... this weekend. That is a hard question. I think church, clearly, but I would also venture that I will finally get to offload some of my chaos. When I meet with people who speak into my life, I have the opportunity to let some of the chaos in my mind out. I can share it and control it or get rid of it.
It's kind of a mental colonic.
Yes, really.
God has managed to perform a move on my life recently I wouldn't have thought possible outside of professional wrestling. You know those moves, the ones where someone's arm is twisted behind them and then an ankle is grabbed somewhere and then the person is tossed through the air into a turnbuckle. Those moves.
Yes, really.
God has managed to put a vision in front of me that is beyond daunting. Impossible is actually the word I would use. It's so big that if He's not in it, it will catch fire and burn and take me with is as it goes.
Yes, really.
But at the same time He has revealed a character flaw in me so deep and reaching that it has touched every area of my life. My relationships, my faith, my career. Everything. Down to the tiniest little scrap of nothing.
Yes, really.
And now I am standing on the edge of everything and of less than nothing. My feet are too wide to balance in the middle. And I will soon go over one direction or another. Now, if history has any precedent here, it's that God will bring me through to success. But right now it's hard to see that. My mind only shifts over to the black void of failure on the other side.
Yes, I am really being that gothically melodramatic.
I want to share it all with all of you, those that might still read, but I have to wait until certain people know all of what I am dealing with here. Because if I begin pontificating on all of this, I will end up going crazy. I need someone who cares enough about me but is not emotionally invested with me to tell me which direction I'm falling.
Yes, really.
I'm having to find new sources for my writing. Used to be, enough crap happened in my life that I had a reason to get on and moan and complain about it. I used to struggle and fight and scrape and my whining carried on in writing.
I don't have anything to complain about. At all. My life is beyond good these days. I mean, without a doubt, my life is the very best it has ever been. And that, more than anything, is what's caused me not to write. My writing, in general, has dried up. I don't write fiction, really, anymore.
But that all said, I can't complain about having nothing to complain about.
Things in the church are fantastic. We had a really solid show from our Easer push and new families join the church every single week.
The family life is amazing as the newest addition becomes more and more of a joy every day.
The job is going very well and I can't say I have ever been happier in a job than this one.
In my personal growth I have found strides into things that I never knew about myself. I am becoming something beyond the rational stoic that I was and am learning to make myself into something new, something different. Perhaps... in fact, I could start calling myself Gabe 2.0. Bobbi has noticed it. People at work have noticed it. Even my pastor has noticed it. God is getting me ready for something.
I have a feeling I know what it is and, if so, it's daunting, scary and amazing. It's a dream and a nightmare happening in parallel with me laughing in joy the whole way.
I will try to keep this updated more often to share with those of you who might have me in your RSS feeds. Two weeks. I will try to set a reminder to update this in two weeks. Stay tuned...
I for the most part think we still live in the Good america. But every now and then I start seeing things chip away.
Like yesterday I stopped to talk to my oldest childs teacher. I was asking if it would be ok if I brought cupcakes for snack time for his birthday on the 14th. Then I realized that was also Valentines day and asked if I would be interrupting any celebrations for that. She mentioned that she hadn't really thought that far ahead (who can blame the lady she has split kindergarten classes for just three hours each. My brain would definitely be fried) and then she mentioned some people don't celebrate Valentines day. Which I was just like "COME ON" its just valentines day - there is nothing really religious affiliated with this holiday and its about love - does someone have a problem with love out there? I mean the kicker to me was that they didn't have any Christmas celebration at all. They had family heritage day. That is all fine and dandy to celebrate your family heritage but lets have a little Christmas too. I am so sick and tired of political correctness and lets not offend anyone. I mean don't go out of your way to offend and be mean but also we can't pussy foot around everyone and everything because you will never have fun nor will you ever get anything done that way. Our Forefathers would roll over in their grave if they saw how we acted in this country lately.
When I was in school if you didn't celebrate a particular holiday you just had to sit outside the room during the party. It sucked but they were not going to take the fun out of having a party for just one or two people. The only thing I ever missed out on was a halloween party or two. I grew up during the time of don't celebrate Halloween because its the devils holiday. I do understand why people thought that. But I honestly believe that my kids celebrating halloween is just fun, they like to dress up and they like to eat candy, they are not out sacrificing any animals or doing anything bad. I wish I hadn't missed out on some Halloween but its not biggee. My whole point here is they didn't stop the party for me. And thats fine that would have been horrible that one child could stop the whole celebration.
I will go so far as to say take a poll of the parents in the class if they want their kids to celebrate or not a certain holiday. If there is a large enough consensus then ok don't have a party. Otherwise if it is that huge a deal keep your children home that day or something.
I am so tired of all this stupidity of not wanting to offend someone because we celebrate things. And it hasn't been that long that all this worrying about offending people has gone on. But all of a sudden it has taken precedent. No we don't celebrate all Holidays here of different countries but in my opinion thats ok, I don't expect England or Saudi Arabia to celebrate Thanksgiving, its not a holiday they celebrate so I am ok with that. I understand that not everyone in America is a Christian and they don't put certain beliefs in the holidays, but even Easter and Christmas can be celebrated, maybe its wrong as a christian to feel this way but there are still bunny's and ducks and chicks at Easter and there is also Santa Claus at Christmas.
I guess this just irritates me because my son doesn't get to have the same fun and easy childhood as I did and generations before me. I don't want him to miss out on fun in school and having fun parties and celebrating. I feel it is a shame that our children have to grow up in this pain in the butt world sometimes.
I will get off my soap box now.
What is the worst city you've ever been to and why?
Submitted by Soup.
You can't know until you've been there. It's one of the places I always said, "Hope goes there when it wants to die."
Second Place:
Whorehouses, strip clubs (read: unlicensed whorehouses) and a setting that makes you think, "So this is where they filmed those The Hills Have Eyes movies."