Posts (page 2)

It has been too long since I posted.

Oddly enough, though, I tend to post least when I have the most going on to post about. Generally I don't post the truly personal and gut wrenching aspects of my personal growth here. And the last two months? Well, let's just say the guts have been wrenched so much I probably don't have any left.

Over the course of December and into January I learned a lot about myself. I learned where I fit, where I don't fit and what parts of me that are going to change. These changes have all been good. They've hurt worse than anything I've been through thus far, but I can honestly say that without them, I would not have made it to our launch.

And what a launch. I've been waiting for this for more than a year and a half. In the course of that time let me give you a little snapshot of things that have happened.

1. My parents were divorced.
   
2. I lost a few friends to the change my life undertook.
3. I gained a whole host of true and invaluable friends.
   
4. I gained a mentor.
5. I got fired.
6. I moved two thousand miles from the only place I've ever called home.
7. I spent two months out of work surviving on, quite literally, faith.
8. Walked right up to the line with the birth of my fourth and likely final child, Lili.
   
9. Went through the death of my grandfather.
   
10. Submitted myself to a veritable meat grinder of tests that have proven me.
11. Launched the church that began all of these changes.

It's been a wild and crazy ride. Unlike anything I have ever experienced. But what's funny is that now I am seeing that the worst aspects of all of this, the very worst, are the most valuable. Good things are nice. Comfort is ok. But pain, well, pain is like hard currency.

I see so many people experiencing pain and wishing their way out of it. I hear of them committing crimes like fraud to get out of pain. I hear of them choosing their comforts over their growth. And yet, I am coming to realize that even while Jesus was in the midst of being scourged he wouldn't have traded a single ripping, tearing lash. My pain is valuable, his pain was paramount.

I believe it was Bill Gates who said, "Success is a lousy teacher." And I agree to a degree.

I recommend that each and every one of you out there, or, if any of you are even still reading, go and buy this book.

It's not like anything you've read so get that out of your head. It's not about how to see other people's attitudes and to discern their problems. Sure, there might be a little of that in there, but this book is a referendum on how we live out our day to day lives.

I read some of it and realized that there are things in there that don't really apply to me. Well, not me now anyway. Once upon a time I know it definitely did. But then there are things which are exquisitely painful to read.

"If I could have that then I would be happy."

That's the attitude of covetousness and it's one of the attitudes James MacDonald tackles. I thought, as I began that particular chapter, "Well, I know I don't have a problem with covetousness." And then he asked if I had ever even thought, "If I could just have this one thing, then I would be happy." And I winced. I have thought that. I've said that out loud.

And so I had to spend time repenting and truly changing the way I thought. There is one chapter in there about a Critical Attitude. That chapter messed me up in the best way possible. I had to go back and repent, in urgent desperate need of forgiveness to so many people I've wronged with my overly critical attitude. I mean, I think I have gone to everybody I know and confessed it and asked for help and forgiveness.

Anyhoo, I am rambling and won't spoil anything further. Go get the book, though. It's truly awesome.

Hopefully soon I can post some video of our services. I want to share the first thing I bought with my pain with all of you.

We shall see...

For those of you who don't know, the only real grandfather I have ever had died today. He was my Papa. I am grieving but not in a way most people grieve. There are no horrible sobs or heartwrenching gasps. No, I grieve because I realize a great force of good and love has left our world. And I pray that someone is born who can fill the gap he leaves.

My grandfather is much the reason I am here today. When my father was out chasing buried treasure (literally) and making no money, my Papa would somehow magically appear on our doorstep with food for my family. When my father celebrated lying and deceit, my Papa honored an honest heart. That particular event nearly resulted in my death, but I will always regard it as a time where I did what was right and nearly paid the ultimate price for it.

My Papa. What can I say? He was flawed, sure, and that had as much to do with his culture and birth as anything. But even his flaws weren't without merit. He earned his stripes. He served in government for sixty years. He was almost a demigod in our small town. And still is. I can't afford the $700.00 for a ticket home to the funeral (gladly accepting donations) but I know what I would see if I went there. Hundreds of people will crowd that funeral to listen to him eulogized. Hundreds more will weep from where they are.

My Papa is with the Lord now. The Lord he honored even if he didn't always do it in the quote unquote 'right' way, it was the Lord he loved still. He died but his memories will echo for many generations. I will tell his stories to my grandchildren. How he used to be a father to me when my own failed in that. How he'd fetch me and we'd both go off and do maintenance on the creek that ran through his massive estate. How we'd build simple bridges and we'd clear brush and we'd do the things that men did. Mind you, this was the only time in my life where a man showed me what it meant to be a man. We'd sit and eat with his hired workers. Tomato sandwiches, cold sweet tea and potato chips was our fair.

He had odd little ways of blessing us, his grandchildren. We'd go to Shoney's and he'd order a hot fudge sundae for himself and would then take a single bite only to let us finish it. He loved his son, my father, when my father didn't deserve love. He stopped letting my father hurt him, emotionally, but he never gave up on him. He loved all of his grandchildren like they were his own.

When my mother heard her father had passed she was eight months pregnant with me. She went across the road in the cold to my Papa's house. There she told him her Daddy had died. He told her, without even a pause,  "Then I'll be your Daddy now." And he treated her just like that. Even after my parents divorced, he treated her like she was his daughter.

He was a mythic and legendary. He was a force of nature. What he wanted done was done, every time. When he spoke to someone, they listened. He was five feet eight inches tall and yet, he talked down men who are bigger than I. My mother visited him in court one day - he was the circuit clerk - and a particularly quarrelsome case had just come before him. A man, big and tall and mean, came storming over to my grandfather to dispute the judgment that had just been handed down. He had been ordered to pay five hundred dollars. He cursed my grandfather, the judge, the county and the state. He claimed it was an injustice and he sure as hell wasn't paying any money. He slammed his fist down onto the table where my grandfather was sitting. My Papa pulled out a massive pipe wrench from under the table and sat it down on the table between them. I think he asked the man if he had a problem and the man broke off his bluff. Papa would have whipped him, too.

He wasn't fluff. There was so much substance to him that you could scarcely take it in. He added value to this world every place he went. And what little he asked of this world was fitting tribute. He was a king and a lord in his own right; master of his domain.

The world weeps and the heavens rejoice.

Goodbye Papa, say hi to the many, many you outlasted.

If your Vox Neighborhood had a potluck dinner tonight, what dish, drink or dessert would you bring?

Either sweet potatoes, yes everyone LOVES my sweet potatoes, or possibly baked mac and cheese. I am a good cook and I am confident enough to say that. And what drives my desire to cook? The satisfied exclamations of those around me, eating the food I prepared for them.

What's your musical horoscope?  (Put your player on shuffle and write down the first 10 songs that come up.) 

The Captain - Kasey Chambers
Draw Me Close to You - Lounge Worship
That's How I Knew This Story Would Break My Heart - Aimee Mann
Artibeus - Hans Zimmer and James Newton Howard
Not About Love - Fiona Apple
We Are the Champions - Zach Braff
Wild Wild West - Will Smith
Bird on a Wire - Johnny Cash
Slow Night, So Long - Kings of Leon
Set You Free - Black Keys

Hmm... so I guess it plays out like this:

The day begins with a person of authority. One who gives orders and sets the course. It continues on with a drawing nearer to God. It then becomes a time of emotion and ache. Then, and here's where it gets weird, something happens with fruit bats. But the bats have nothing whatsoever to do with my relationships. Even so, I win against the fruit bats. Then things are going to get rather crazy, 'jiggy' if you will. Afterwards, I'll just have to figure out where I belong. Then, it seems, it will be a very long evening and time will creep and crawl. Finally, at the end of the night, I'll be free.

You know, this whole process might work better if I didn't have such a freakishly large music collection. I mean, it's like dropping a needle into a stack of needles.

Although I am curious about the fruit bats...

Which TV show never "jumped the shark"?
Submitted by healthypanda. 

This is a toughy. I would say, and for odd reasons, Carnivale.

Why? It was canceled too abruptly for an opportunity. It was one of the best shows on television until HBO said, "I think it's done a good job telling the story."

Show us your favorite word, sentence or quote.

scrumtrilescent

Main Entry: scrum·tri·le·scent

Pronunciation:  \skrum-tri-less-ənt\

Function: adjective

Etymology: 2000 season of Saturday Night Live with Will Ferrel playing James Lipton in a parody of Inside the Actor's Studio. His guest on the show is Charles Nelson Reilly.

"When one thinks of Charles Nelson Reilly, one's mind goes right to Match Game. That show was delightful. No. No. It was brilliant. No, no, no, no. There is no word to describe its perfection, so I am forced to make one up. And I'm going to do so right now. Scrumtrilescent."

1: something that is delightful beyond proper description
2: so appealing as to have no greater descriptor

I don't necessarily agree with the method they use, but the Mormon guys DEFINITELY had it coming with their presumption that these black guys were a good target. More to the point, this video kind of definitively proves one of my previous posts about Mormons, on private property, soliciting at night.

Well, that's lazy, there are plenty of good words for this little discovery.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you Grizzly Bear:

I recently saw a fantastic film, 1408. It's based on a Stephen King short story and the movie plays out better and more accurately like a Stephen King book than any Stephen King film I've seen. It's creepy, it's emotional and it's heartwrenching. It's like being trapped in the mind of a madman. Much like reading his books.

After watching, though, I have become somewhat convinced that the city I live in is, in fact 1408.

Not trying to give away too much, 1408 is more about deception than it is about gore or horror. It's about making you figure it out and living with the consequence of your discovery.

Living in Las Vegas is much the same way. The city really can't kill you outright. It's not about you dying. But the city will do everything it can to deceive you. It will distract you. It will con you. It will steal your will. It will fascinate you. It will mask things you should see. It will show you things that aren't really there in hopes that you'll take the bait. This city is a false oasis of sorts. It's a mirage.

So what happens if you live here and you have a purpose?

What happens if you are set on changing this city? What happens if you don't play the game by its rules? What if you decide to even change some things? To upset the applecart?

Well then, friends and neighbors, the city will fight back. You thought it was tricky before? Wait until you start causing it problems. Wait until you begin opening people's eyes. Well then it will begin to pull out the big guns. Then everything will get muddled. Everything you thought was clear is suddenly murky. The walls begin to close in. You're pretty sure you're supposed to be here? Right? People are suddenly not who you thought they were. The little things that you brushed off as minor annoyances are now driving a burning steel spike through your brain.

WHAT HAPPENED?!?

The city, that's what. It doesn't like for us to fight back.

I live in the world's best(worst) cheap imitation of a real city. It's nothing but a glimmer, a false hope on the horizon. And now I am trying to change it. I will, though, and no city will beat me. No place can make me change my mind. I will not abandon the people that are here drowning in the desert. I will stay and do what I have come here to do: kick butt and chew bubblegum. And it just so happens I am all out of bubblegum.